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Elaine
solid_figments
11 November 2008 @ 01:25 am
It's the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you.  
I've been thinking of the faun way too much.

I wanted to find him today. Being a coward, I smoked my last cigarettes alone, hands shaking with the wind.

Too many thoughts about him. They aren't even good thoughts, love thoughts. They're platonic, but bad, but not. I want to connect with him. I want to see where we lie.

It scares me just a little, because I think I know what he's turning into.


He's turning into a satyr. Do I want him to be a satyr?





I realized that I'm not looking for love. I don't think I have looked for love since Ray, and even then, I only tell myself that it was love because I don't know how else to describe it.


I'm looking for connection. Is connection love?


From my experience, it's not. But then again, the connections I've made have been made with a substance like wet tissue. Easily broken, easily replaced.





This song has undone me. Maybe I should fly into the mountains?
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Where am I?: Dorm, desk
I'm feeling: restless
I'm listening to: Damien Rice, "9 Crimes"
 
1 doused me. | Leave me luck.
 
( Post a new comment )
T. Steele[info]hiniku on November 12th, 2008 01:55 pm (UTC)
Well.

I think that love is certainly a connection. But not every connection consists of love.

You could very well be looking for any sort of substantial link between yourself and another individual. Or you could be looking for platonic male companionship (I think it is essential to not just be only surrounded by females). But you could also be looking for love, which there is nothing wrong with. Even the most cynical of us desire to be loved. Its human.

I suppose, if it worries you, you should think about the emotions that cause you to desire the connection between the faun and yourself. Are they platonic? Or are they disguised as platonic because of fear? Usually I like to start off analyzing my nebulous motives so I know what I'm dealing with. Myself tends to be very tricky with myself, as I am sure it is with everyone (why else would we have psychology!).